i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
