My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have post one night stand depression
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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