if you like me you must not know who I am
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
