In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
