I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
