Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
