i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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