Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
where are my eyebrows?
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