i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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