New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
