If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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