apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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