I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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