I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
