I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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