She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you win again, gameday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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