roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
