dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
handjob tips. give me some.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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