My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
