the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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