i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's blow job season.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
