Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
