I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
