i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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