As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Too much gin, very little bucket
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
