My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
