he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
