Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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