his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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