So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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