somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
