Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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