I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
