So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
