Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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