I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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