ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my poor anus
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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