My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
