wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
