Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
