BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
