Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I faked an abortion last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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