saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
