Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
