If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
