how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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