how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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