Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
