Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
