were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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