I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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