Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
