im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
