I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
