Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
