I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
