You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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