just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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