I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
