Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
