If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
