Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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