I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
