Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
