my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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