Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
